Wow

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/opinion/article/worth-the-wait/420276.html
http://www.themoscowtimes.com/opinion/article/modernization-is-not-perestroika/420274.html

It feels wonderful to be taken a little more seriously and share with other serious people as well. I feel that people are being more real right now, and it is much appreciated. So many ideas out of these two articles come to my mind.

I believe more things are possible of happening at this point, and I feel shocked and perplexed.
In the first article, "Worth the Wait," I find it hard to believe that being corrupt and patient at the same time is not clashing or conflicting. I'm sure it is conflicting, but patience is such a virtue. I believe that Russians could be patient; I'm not that closed-minded.
I havn't forgotten things that have happened in my life and am aware that even if someone were to patiently wait, is not always guaranteed that what the person waits for will last or even be there at all.
Right now, I mostly have fear of the unknown. The possibilities I'm thinking of is that someone might want to use me and give me a career to meet their goal. Or, it is about marriage, and there is someone who wants to marry me.
In either case, it is hard to take a compliment if it is meant to be a compliment. If it is a tricky way to force me in to humbleness, I can't take back what I have said about particular people I have dealt with. If it is not a trick, I would want to learn and know more esp language and government before I get my hands dirty. I think I would make a bigger mess if I didn't even know how to speak the literal language. I would also feel more endangered.
I feel a little guilty to be a little demonizing, but I read about constant corruption, and experienced harassment and threats as well.
Back to the thought of waiting...........
That article was an excellent article. Some may think it is sarcastically simple, but patience is a virtue which feeds a little off of the following article "Modernization is not the perestroika." It sounds like waiting is something the country will always do. It makes sense with it being communisitic afterall. It is the leaders who make the ultimate decisions, and most likely, everyone else has to wait and revolve around the leaders to make a choice before they can do something else to live their life. (It practically sounds that way now in my life). Maybe my life is a cause of a plan from Russia that has been somehow evolving because of them. I'd believe it. I believed it about someone else before I believed it about Russia. So, that leads me back to fear of the unknown. There are so many other thoughts of philosophy that are running through my head right now.
To account myself: Have I been really waiting? Yes and No. I say things and take action all of the time. Most of the time, I feel ignored. Other times, people can be considerate on occassion. I see how other thoughts of entitlement and change can be brought out of that thought as well. I think people judge me often for expecting people to change. Depending on where I am and who I am with; I really don't expect it. I have a very independent mind, I let go and move on with my life all of the time. I get really sad and upset sometimes at how lonely I feel. But, I havn't had reason to let go of my determination. I want more out of life. I do not want to settle where I am now.
Entitlement is where it gets difficult in talking to Russia. I already see that entitlement is of no question. Entitlement is an issue with me very often. I consider myself a free-thinker, and have major issues with people being bossy and possessive. I have taken action of several stands against it. I understand even in my foodstamps of so many media characters, the amount of resistance that I have against severely entitled men like Russia and probably other Middle Eastern countries. There have been times after already knowing about some of the concepts of men's minds that I have purposely made myself easier to take away their fun. It is kind of a reverse empowerment. And in honest and harsh judgement when dealing with honest rejection; I usually find ways to write men off that I'm not interested in. I consider myself to have honest fun, even though I made myself easier. In honest pain, I'm not going there when I make myself easier.......
This seems more serious though, and one of my fears is how far male supremacy goes. I visualize the story once again that even Sarah Brightman had in a music video where she shared about the king who killed wives at his own leisure. When he got fed up or they were rebellious, it is time to kick the bucket for them. One woman though told him stories every day to make herself entertaining and keep herself alive. I wouldn't say I believe that about myself yet, but I used it to say that I think male supremacy goes far and unless a woman is somehow of use to a man, than she must have no reason to live or have purpose. And that is something that scares me.
I havn't forgotten about my marriage and family teacher: Mrs. Mayton. She said the perfect love was really rare to find. Most people honestly are not in those kinds of marriages. There are a lot of marriage traps and the white knight is one of them. I see how this is starting to go. I do want to be rescued sometimes; I can't lie. It seems though I feel I am deteriorating more in this town. I believe in myself, but find it impossible with anyone. I don't even think it is about compromising anything anymore. It seems like all people want from me is to let them beat me up and deal with their abuse. And, it is how the white night trap usually ends after the honey moon is over.
Maybe I'm just thinking too much and we are just talking about a job instead. They even elaborated in the following article. I'll have to read more about the perestroika, but it sounds like it compares a little to capitalism. They want everything to be run by the goverment whether it is a success or flop. They don't want a change, but at the same time, it seems like they do want a change concerning their corrupt ways. When I am especially up against something that monstrous, I do not think I would survive long. I think I'd probably get shot the first day. I could be wrong. I'd wonder what they expect? Walk the streets with people in conversation and be myself with actions and reactions. Or, do they want me to study them and corruption? Not just the people, but entire: subject, story, who, what, where, when, why? Being a little hawkish and researchful?
Like he said, he wants to lure, but does he really want me to live a long life? Does he want to torture and torment me and maybe even kill me in the end when he may be fickle and discover that he changed his mind?
I think I'm in someone's political project where my life may seriously be on the line in life and death. I'm horrified.
I do not blame myself.
If I were to make the choice to go through with it; I'd really want the opportunity first to have a higher education that studies: social work/psychology, culture of Russia, and more education in both science (I do have some education in science already) and religion. If I had the opportunity to go to Russia with either choices, I'd really want more education first.